You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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