I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
