Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
