haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
