I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
