Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
