Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
