Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
