its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
