drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
