can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
