After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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