ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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