I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
