I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
