matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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