No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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