I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
