he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
