so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
