could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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