My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
