Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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