kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My breasts were aching with rage.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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