Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
