She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
