we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
