I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
