At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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