i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
