Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
