He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
