They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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