Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
