She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative