just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE