my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
