What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven