So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO