I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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