Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
