remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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