whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
