do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize