i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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