what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You did what with his pubic hair?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
