He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
