do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
