Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
