yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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