are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
