i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
