Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
