Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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