That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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