She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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