Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
