I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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