haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
