Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize