Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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