I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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