i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
