My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
two words...techno handjob
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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