I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
