we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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