my vag is so smooth its legendary
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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