I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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