so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
whose ass print is on the piano?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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