i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
