sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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