I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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