You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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