dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
