She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
