I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A bitchslap is in order.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
