dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He shit in the fireplace
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize