the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
