just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
